Was I Hustling, or Just Being Hustled? How I Learned to Actually Set Boundaries at Work
For coaches, consultants, and freelancers, the boundary problem is real. You're your own boss, which sounds like freedom but often means you're available to everyone all the time because there's no HR department to hide behind.
I learned this the hard way.
I couldn't help but wonder... was I hustling, or just being hustled?
I can tell you the exact moment I realised I had a boundaries problem.
I was on holiday - a proper, long-awaited, cocktail-in-hand, sunshine and beach holiday - and I found myself working. Not just checking in, but laying on a sun lounger hiding my phone inside a book so my partner wouldn't see I was reading emails by the pool.
I told myself I'd just skim them - just check if anything was on fire (pro tip: unless you are literally a fireman, nothing is ever on fire) - but of course, I started replying. The worst part? I wasn't even annoyed that people were emailing me. I was annoyed at myself for not getting to them sooner.
That was the moment it hit me: this wasn't just a work problem. This was a me problem.
Turns out that "going the extra mile" doesn't get you ahead - it just means people keep moving the finish line.
The cycle nobody warns you about
If you're feeling overwhelmed, here's what's probably happening:
You say yes to more than you should
Your workload increases because people assume you're fine with it
You get overwhelmed and resentful, but you don't say anything
You burn out, quit, or finally explode - and people act shocked
And here's the kicker: the person who never answers emails after 6pm? Somehow, they never get asked to. But the person who's always available? Magically gets more dumped on them.
People will take as much as you're willing to give.
The S.A.F.E. Boundary Setting Method
If setting boundaries feels impossible, here's a simple framework:
S - Spot the problem
Where do you feel resentful? What tasks drain you most? When do you feel like your time isn't respected? That's where your boundaries are leaking.
A - Assess what's in your control
You can't always control company chaos. But you can control how often you say yes when you mean no, how available you make yourself after hours, and whether you flag when you're drowning.
F - Frame your boundaries clearly
Simple and direct. Try:
"I'm happy to help, but I can't take this on right now."
"I log off at 6pm, so I'll pick this up first thing tomorrow."
"I don't have capacity for this, but I can support in [smaller way]."
E - Enforce (and expect pushback)
Not everyone will love your new boundaries - especially the people who benefited from you having none. Stick to them anyway. Quiet consistency is your best friend.
Your job is not a test of how much you can take before you break.
So if you've been waiting for permission to protect your time: you don't need permission. You just need to start.
Cass x